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postheadericon I love him dearly, and I love the life we built together

Me 34f setting firm boundaries with my husband moncler coats for kids 34m may mean the end of moncler jackets kids my marriage

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moncler outlet sale Me (34f) moncler outlet location setting firm boundaries with my husband (34m) may mean moncler coats the end of my marriage. What moncler jackets outlet online should I do?Me (34f) setting firm boundaries with my husband (34m) may mean the end of my marriage. What should I do?

cheap moncler jackets I been married to a smart, sexy, witty, wonderful man for 5 years, dated him for 6 years prior to that, and known him as a friend for 5 years before that. He has been a part of my life for so long it hard to Official Moncler Outlet remember what my life was like before he was in it in some capacity. I love him dearly, and I love the life we built together.

cheap moncler He doesn handle his frustration or anger or insecurities well. He has a lot of trust issues (despite the fact that I haven done anything to merit distrust, which he will acknowledge his trust issues stem from legitimate childhood trauma) and will frequently presume worst intentions. Sometimes he might see something small and his brain will draw conclusions like “[Wife] hasn put the dishes away (even though I never asked it and there are plenty of times I don put dishes away), therefore she doesn respect me or prioritize our relationship.” moncler jackets men Frequently in arguments, his feelings will take precedence over my own. I do my very best to listen to his feelings and acknowledge/empathize with them, but in the heat of the moment very frequently my own feelings become things for him to react to rather than listen to and thus the discussion about his feelings continue while mine never get addressed.

cheap moncler sale We been in couples counseling for years now. Originally it was cheap moncler jackets more of a maintenance thing, but over the past year it has become critically necessary. My husband sunk into a really deep depression last spring, and last summer was honestly pretty hellish for both of us. He find fault in the smallest of slights (like “she asked me a question via IM but there read receipt so clearly she didn care about my answer and doesn care about me” when I actually had seen the answer and it didn mark a read receipt because I only looked at it through my phone notifications) and then stop talking to me for multiple days on end except for practical house questions via IM. He send passive aggressive and manipulative messages while I was out to get me to come home (though he doesn intend for them to be manipulative, they definitely fit the definition by any reasonable standard). If things are very extreme, he may scream in my face or knock something over. In previous years, he has punched the wall before, moncler coats for women or (lightly) pushed me out of the way in an argument so he could get past me.

moncler sale I did a lot moncler outlet canada of supporting him emotionally (and often financially), when he would let me. If moncler jackets toronto he stressed, I try to do some housework to take something off his plate, or offer to pick up food he likes, or we cuddle together and watch something he likes that I don really care about. I hold him while he cries, I pick up the slack and I discount moncler jackets don hold moncler outlet mall resentment about it. That what partners do. But in the last few months, I been going through a depression of my own. I don lash out, but sometimes I get really really sad and desperately need support. And it feels like moncler outlet kids when he able to offer support, it very frequently comes back to haunt me later. (For example, me feeling sad, him offering to pick up my favorite pizza and me taking him up on it, only for him to send me messages about how stressful and frustrating it is because the pizza wasn ready in time and the other customers are being jerks, and by the time he gets home he done and can be near anyone for a while.)

moncler outlet Most recently I was having a moncler outlets usa really bad day, and he was there for me, held me while I cried, did some moncler outlet online store housework, talked me through some things. And that evening I was starting to feel a little stable, and out of nowhere he hit me with some passive aggressive comments and started talking about how his needs (which he had not communicated to me) hadn been met all day and how I don meet his needs in other ways and how I prioritize everyone else in cheap moncler my life but not him. And I cheap moncler jackets outlet was floored and devastated, because I do prioritize him, probably more than I prioritize myself which Moncler Factory Outlet I trying to change since that isn moncler jacket outlet healthy. I think about what he wants or needs or might think of something practically all the time. But also, it was one moncler outlets uk more example of moncler outlet online how I can truly lean on him, moncler coats cheap I can trust that he be able to support me emotionally even when he says he can.

moncler sale outlet Later that same night our basement flooded, and he found it first. All I heard was slamming doors and yelling, moncler coats sale so I went downstairs to check, and when I asked what was going on, he screamed at me (basically in my face) “What the fuck do you think???”

cheap moncler outlet Y I bad at boundaries. I really, really bad at them. I always afraid people will be mad at me or leave me when I set them (and I have plenty of real examples to back up that fear, so it not exactly unwarranted). Over the summer, during therapy, I set some explicit boundaries of things that were not okay in arguments things like screaming, throwing things, passive aggressive buy moncler jackets toronto comments, etc. I tried, since setting those boundaries, to make it known when they were crossed saying “ouch” or “that wasn an okay thing to say” or “I need to leave the room until we can discuss this calmly”. Every inch of enforced boundaries has been PAINFUL moncler chicago and really hard, but I trying. But the screaming (and especially right after the day of supporting me and then lashing out at me without warning after) was one thing too many.

moncler mens jackets We in a crisis moncler coats for men right now, because (among other things), I set a firm boundary around the screaming it can ever happen again. It just can Some people in my life who have been in moncler jackets outlet abusive relationships have pointed out to me that screaming in someone face IS abusive and violent even if it not physical violence. But when I speak to my husband about it, he feels that setting this boundary is setting him, and our relationship, up to fail. He doesn feel like he can guarantee he won do it again, and that if this is truly a hard boundary for me, that we should end our relationship.

moncler outlet online He knows the way he been treating me is “not okay”. He feels remorse for treating me that way. I know that I not perfect and I have work to do of my own (among other things, setting and enforcing boundaries, and untwisting myself from the pretzel shape I become to accommodate my husband needs/wants). And in this list of problems, I haven mentioned all of the moncler jackets on sale good things. moncler coats outlet As with any post like this there are amazing, positive things in our relationship too. We share values, politically and personally. We play video games together and travel together and have fun together and care deeply about each other. He can be so kind and lovely. He passionate about doing good and helping other people.

Is it reasonable for me to have this hard boundary? Obviously, with or without that particular boundary, we are really struggling right now and may or may not be able to make this work. I keep thinking if the boundary was “you can never hit me again” instead of “you can never scream in my face again”, no one would think that was an unreasonable boundary. Even if the hitting happened rarely (as the screaming has). It seems to me that if someone can guarantee they be able to manage their anger enough to not scream in someone face, anger management therapy might be necessary (and I don mean this flippantly he apparently found out recently that he also has high blood pressure so this seems like a potential health issue as well). I brought this up as an option and got no response.

cheap moncler coats I don my marriage https://www.moncleroutletmall.com to end. I didn say those vows lightly. The idea of breaking up this relationship feels like I being moncler black friday torn apart. But I can stay with discount moncler outlet things the way they are. I can And it feels like he saying things are not going to change quickly. That he wants to change, but it going to be a journey. I left a moncler coats for cheap relationship with someone who sound very similar to this husband after being together for 11 years. I kept saying “it’s not that bad, and he is trying, and we’ve been together cheap moncler coats for women so long.”. Then the yelling and verbal abuse became throwing things at me, and trying to grab the steering wheel while I was driving. Then it became taking swings at my head and holding me down and choking me. The night I ended things womens moncler jackets he was moncler outlet store threatening to burn the house down with me in it.

monlcer down jackets Set your boundaries, OP, they’re not unreasonable. Stick to them, and know that you shouldn’t have to endure abuse because of someone else’s trauma. Basically, it’ll only take so long before he may get physical with you. He’s already emotionally abusive, which you say he’s aware of, but it doesn’t seem like he’s doing much to change. I think you may need to talk to a psychologist alone to figure out what’s best for you. You’re in an abusive relationship, and he is guilting you like it’s all he knows. Watch out for that, he may guilt you in to staying if you decide to leave.

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